Motherhood

Now that it has been four months and I'm feeling relatively normal in our daily chaotic lives I find that this week before mother's day I have been contemplating more and more on the wonderful examples of mothers in my life. I have so many examples of charity and nurturing and unconditional love to pattern my mothering after and I am deeply thankful for each of them. I never dreamed when I was a little girl of becoming a mother or having babies. I didn't even dream of what I wanted my wedding to be like till I was in the midst of it. I didn't like to hold babies of any sort or age. I actually dreaded it and avoided it like the plague at all costs. If I did happen to get handed a baby and look for the first person to hand it off to. Its been almost seven years since I held my own first baby and looking back on these years I find it amazing to think of how the Lord has blessed me and changed me. Molding me still into the mother I want to do desperately become. When I was pregnant with Jaxon and after both him and Jake I literally poured myself into every parenting, pregnancy, nursing, discipline book there was and was constantly criticizing myself and the way I handled every situation that was put in front of me. Until one day Jeff was once again listening so patiently to me debate and complain and criticize everything and he took the book I was trying to get him to look at away and told me I couldn't read those things anymore. I was appalled, after all I was only trying to improve myself and my family. It took days of thoughtful recollection for me to realize he was right to some degree. I couldn't read those books without expecting myself to do it EXACTLY like the authors did and have my children respond exactly as their children did. Jeff proceeded to tell me that theses precious little ones were sent to us because we are the best ones to raise them. I finally realized I am the best mother to the ones that were sent just to me. And it made me want to be the best for them. I still read books about mothering and such, but with a different perspective. I take those ideas I like and ponder them then I try to adjust them, if fitting, into our family the way it works best for my kids. I am learning so much more now about myself and what I want to become. A holy mother is what I am striving for. One that loves to still pretend McQueen is winning the race across the couch but also mother who is striving to raise children who are caring to others, have strong testimonies, work hard in all they want to accomplish and who love unconditionally. I am going to be the best mother I can because that is what my Father in Heaven wants from me. He sees all of my weaknesses and he doesn't focus on them, he sees the potential I have to improve those weaknesses and gives me challenges that will test my strength. I am thankful for the opportunity to be a mother though it wasn't something I dreamed about it is now something I love and strive to be better at. Thankful for the examples of righteous mothers around me lifting me up and showing me the way.